the story 1

im attached to this loving guy, A for 5 yrs or so. hes my 1st guy. i truly can't loose him no matter what happened. but about a year ago, a friend B came into my life. hes so close to me until he got the wrong idea that i got a thing for him, knowing he got a thing for me. but as time went by, his care and concern moved my heart. i can't repay his kindness or what he've done for me. i tried many times to reject his love but no matter how hard i tried, he still wait for me. so out of kindness, i treat his as someone special. we got so close that everyone thought we are together. to him, we are together. i can't afford to say no when he ask about us so i have to say "yah, we are." so now, im with B while A doesn't know a thing at all but B knows im with A and yet he don't mind about it. soon, i slpt with B, knowing it's wrong of me to do that. i felt so remorseful after that. i wish i could turn back time. but its all too late, im in for it. we went on for about a yrs or so. i grew tired of the life im leading. i have to juggle 2 guys. it's ain't easy. moreover with work and family. i tried to let go of B but he's so im love with me that he no longer care what's gonna happen if A knows about us. im so exhausted. i love A not B but B is always there for me no matter what. i know what i did is hurting everyone including myself. i just want a simple and problem-free life but things got so complicated. but the worst is yet to come.

story 2 continues in the next post . . .

my 1st post

im so new to this blogging thingy. why i need it? for 1 simple reason: i just need someone or somewhere for me to pour out my thoughts and feelings. especially at this moment of time. im feeling very down. i see no life ahead of me. no future. there are so many things i have to face while im only in my 20s. but blame it on me. i know what i did was wrong. guess the saying "what goes around comes around" is so true. in fact, im facing the retribution yet no one knows about it.

today, 30 Nov 05, i should be happy as i got my pay increment. im confirmed as part of the company as of 1 Dec 05. at 1st, i was delighted about it but when i learnt that there is nothing to be happy about as i still have the rest of the problems to settle. but the confirmation today made me feel relieved that at least i got a stable job. im just afraid that if i tell the company about my problems, it will affect my job. *sigh*

the story begins in the next post . . .